i have a theory that everyone has a body of water inside them
some people have ponds, others have rivers.
my lover is a waterfall.
i am the sea.
i am mercurial but tangible; turbulent but stoic.
this body is nothing but a conduit.
ask how i contain this dichotomy
and you will hear the story of the young boy
who stumbled on the bodies of his dreams
and fell into the void of his own mind
he lost himself in the nothingness
and the silence was deafening
until he remembered that
the cure for anything is salt water
so he cut his palms on the rocks
bled into the abyss to fill it with salt
and where the saline of his tears went
i have learned to live with the roiling inside me
i know now to appreciate the gentle sway and tide
of the beast underneath my skin.
but try as i may, i can never forget
that like all seas return to the ocean,
i must one day be prepared to drown.
©Ed, first published in ‘to grow in two bodies’.
Ed was born on a day filled with tears, lightning, and petrichor. He only recently stopped fighting with his monsters and can be found reading or lurking in the dark corners of the internet.